Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
