My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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