I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Drunk is not a location!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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