She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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