I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
