my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
