As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
