Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
