ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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