There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
