worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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