I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my being single is dangerous.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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