Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Shame - the story of my life.
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