I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
