where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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