It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize