after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
