I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
