So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
