Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
