Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
