Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Everyone says I win the strip club
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
