She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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