Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
