The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
