this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
