I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize