I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
