I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize