is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
