I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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