ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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