She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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