Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
