Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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