I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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