Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
