i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
