he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize