How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
pop tarts are not kleenex
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
