Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
