Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
