He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
