Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How does one acquire holy water?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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