Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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