why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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