I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
