After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize