Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
