I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
