Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
