R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
