we have officially lost it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
