Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
