Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
