ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
