just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
