I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
