I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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