i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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