i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
