Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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