Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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