we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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