i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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