Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
