Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
