Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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