I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
