All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
