I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
