i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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