im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
