Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
