You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
two words: eviction party
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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