shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
