you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
