Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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