Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
home. puking in laundry basket.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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