A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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