I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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