the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize