this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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