Where did you get a picture of my penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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