Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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