I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
