I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
