I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize