Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He passed out mid-signature
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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