FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
