i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
