He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize