He told me they were just razor bumps!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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