im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
