if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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