Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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