At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
