i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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