yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
