Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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