1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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