seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
