so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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